I lost a grand source of joy in my life today. Did I say coping? That’s hardly the word.
My friends…I fumble on my keyboard through a blur of tears. We lost our cherished beautiful, spunky, mischievous, playful, loving and demanding, darling companion dog…the one I had been writing about here. Intellectually and spiritually I am fully aware and apprised of all the wisdom that decrees that this is life; it’s a natural transition, yin and yang and all that. I also realize that the gut-wrenching pain I feel now is in direct correlation to the joy and love I have the capacity for feeling and always will for my beloved Paloma…yeah yeah. It’s the putting it in practice that’s the tough part. It’s rotten, I tell you…and I’m failing miserably.
Paloma...save me a spot at Big Dog Beach in the Sky xoxoxo
We were stunned at the speed of her decline today. When it hit, it was not ambiguous, but aggressive and comprehensive. Thankfully, it was made undeniably clear that it was time to be merciful and loving. But intellect cannot override emotion, and I am wallowing in sorrow…missing even her naughty antics and launching into a new crying spree when I see her empty collar or her water bowl. Why am I even writing?? I can’t eat, sleep, or hardly breathe…what makes me think I can write?
Let me at least eke out a heartfelt thank you for the love and hugs and support shown by so many in these past weeks. I cannot think straight enough to list you all. She got so many kisses from me, I suspect you were all well represented.
Signing out for a bit… in love and gratitude. G
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Dear Gina and husband,
I'm so sorry to hear that Paloma has gone to doggy heaven. I heard it is one of the nicest places there is. There is nothing that one can really say that makes the pain go away. An animal that was with you for such a long time is not an animal anymore it is a friend, a companion and a member of the family.
I knew Gina had a dog and in between the lines of a few tweets from other people I realised that Paloma was ill. About three weeks ago I decided to read Paloma's story and did so in full. Gina wrote it in such colourful words that I could almost feel Paloma's fur and I saw her run on that beach. Paloma became real to me and it wasn't just Gina's dog anymore. My heart stopped for a few seconds and instantly tears ran down my face when I saw the Gina's tweet and they still do as I write this.
How do I put warmth, strength and love in words?
I send you all the love and good thoughts I have and I hope some of it reaches you! I send you hugs and kisses and hope you can feel them.
With all my love! Mirijam
My dear dear Mirijam, I think you succeeded after all in putting warmth,strength and love into words…and so eloquently. I remember reading this message from you when I was still reeling from grief and yes, it brought me back to tears but in a way that I was overwhelmed by the loving sentiment you convey. Thank you, with all my heart and dog-loving spirit, for joining me on a painful journey and opening yourself up to loving Paloma along with me. It feels so good knowing you got to know her in a way. In loving gratitude, Gina
Gina.. the pain and loss that you are feeling cannot be replaced.
This time of mourning is needed and I would encourage you to take as long as you need to 'deal' with it.
All the love and virtual hugs will definitely be felt because I am 100% sure that everyone that has the pleasure of knowing you, will be sending their love and strength.
Big Hug for you my friend!!
Thank you, Nolan for your sensitive and kind encouragement through this very tough time. It truly has been made less so by the outpouring of love I've received from so many directions. I almost fear venturing out to Cafe Aroma, where I am certain I will become a blubbering fool amidst the sympathy of good friends. I count you as one, too. 🙂 Bliss you. G
Dear Gina,
A dog is not "just" a dog, not "just" an animal, it's a companion, a very good if not man's best friend, a member of the family… only people who have dogs and love them will know what pain you are going through right now. I'm terribly sorry and saddened to read this morning about Paloma's departure for another world. I'm convinced she is happy now where she is, relieved from pain, feeling free. Many thoughts of support for you cross my mind right now, but it's impossible to squeeze them all into one single post.
I send you all my love and hugs via this way to give you comfort and support in this difficult time for you.
My heart and thoughts are with you.
With all my love,
Caroline
Caroline…no matter the circumstances, you bowl me over with your generosity and loving support. Thank you so much…I agree that she is in a happy place and is likely gloating to the other dogs that she, Ms Paloma the Great, had one of the BEST lives and parents any dog could hope for. This is a comfort for us, as are the compassionate sentiments of dear friends, of which I count you. xoxoxo Thank you, hon. Love, Gina
Gina, I am so sorry to read this, there is nothing that comes close to comfort only to let you know that Mike and I are with you in grief and in faith that Paloma is saving you a place on the wonderful beach she now inhabits. Sending you all of our love and in Spike's memory know that we are with you in heart. Once a dog is in your family like Paloma, she always remains a part, as she is always in your heart.
Love you wholeheartedly!
If there is anything I can do for you,
Please let me know —
Libby
Oh Libby (((((huuggggs))))) to you and Mike and heartfelt thanks for your kind and soothing words. Yes, Paloma is unwedge-able from our hearts :} She was a fixture…and that is the hard part to get accustomed to. I just hope when I go, I DO go to her place…romping in the sun, splashing in the water, at the beach with friends. Sounds like Heaven to me 🙂 Thank you for your generous offer and your friendship – I'm so lucky to have people like you in my life and I guess I owe some thanks to Paloma as well for solidifying bonds with amazing animal-loving friends. 🙂 Bliss you hon xoxoxo Gina
Dear Gina & Paul,
I still cannot tell you how sorry I am to hear about the loss of Paloma. I know she was no ordinary dog and was a complete family member for you both. The memories she leaves with you are her everlasting gift that I know you will both always cherish. I am keeping you both in my thoughts. Sending you BIG HUGS!
With love,
Michael (Max)
Michael, thank you so much for your strength, wisdom and loving support through this painful time. Thank you for knowing that she was, indeed, no ordinary dog. It's better when it feels less like a secret about how special and delightful she was…kind of like parents with their bumper stickers about their kids :} Cherishing the gift, and grateful for your friendship. xoxo Love, Gina & Paul
Oh honey, I can feel your pain when I read this. I know exactly how you feel. My beloved Daisy died 2 days before my father died in 2005 and it took me several years to get over it. It's like losing your best friend. I'm here for you, in every way. -Diana Adams
Thanks so much, sweet pea, for your empathy and support. Yes…it is like losing a best friend…one you never quarreled with and who brought perpetual joy :} Here's to Daisy and Paloma romping on a beach or through a field somewhere…keeping a place for us, but only if we bring some treats with us! *huugggs* to you, honey. Thank you for understanding. In loving gratitude, Gina
Dearest Gina,
I am so very sorry to hear Paloma had to go. I don't know whether you have children, (we don't), but I think of our dogs as daughter-dogs and am just sobbing for your loss. Even though you know it's coming, there is nothing really to be done to prepare emotionally – coping, as you said, "It’s the putting it in practice that’s the tough part."
We all have the script and direction for what to do and what to say, but the doing is the hardest part. I know I shouldn't refer to pets as kids in this sense, but it's how I feel and suspect you might, too. They are like innocent little children and even their "naughty antics" are endearing. Their presence is a constant in our lives. I know you were the best Mom Paloma could have! We will all be here for you, perhaps clumsy, but ready to help as much as we can. You are loved. -Anita @ModelSupplies & Hubster, too
Anita…you have been a rock for me through this and even when your solidness cracks and you cry along with me…well, it is such a comfort knowing people really do "get it". No, I don't have children and yes, I do pour all the love I would lavish on my offspring into my relationships with my companion animals. And I like to stun my friends and take it a step further when I proclaim that no, they are not like children for me, they are better because they don't give you any real grief! lol …until they pass, that is. 🙁 I do miss her antics…I get sad when I realize my food at the edge of the counter is entirely safe. *sigh* Thank you oodles and noodles for your loving support and understanding. Clumsy or graceful , the love is truly and thankfully felt. xoxoxo Thanks to "Hubster" too :} In loving gratitude, Gina
I am so sorry for your loss. This is hitting rather close to home, my own beloved dog is failing, too, and it's breaking my heart! This post makes it all the more real…Your pain is palpable and I send my sincerest condolences to you and your husband.
Thank you so much for sharing your compassion and your angst. Please know, it is a valuable comfort when you do have the time to smother them with ridiculous amounts of sappy love. It comes sooner than you think, and you never ever regret over-doing it. Make sure to tell your pup how much joy he/she has brought you…In Paloma's last moments, I could swear she was convinced she had done a valiant job in her doggy assignment of bringing us sheer bliss, and was thus able to let go in peace. Thank you for your kind thoughts. My heart goes out to you and I send you strength for your journey. Bliss you. Gina
Gina, __ I am so very sorry to hear about Paloma's passing. I only "know " you from Twitter, but I feel really close to a few of my Tweeps and you are certainly one of them…I framed that Beautiful picture you resent to me that you saw in Spain, it is hanging in my bedroom. My sweet little "Angel" passed away last May 31st, and I remember everyone on Twitter, including you, sent me their condolences .She was a "nutcase" Dobey-shep mix that made me crazy, but I miss her every day……There is a Rainbow Bridge that they cross and wait for us on the other side….I am so very ,very sorry for your loss……Much love…..Denisa Grimm (@denisa1)
Denisa Dear, thank you so much for coming over and sharing comfort, love and understanding of the very trying time this is….you're a sweetie and I'm so glad we connected over that picture and also over LOLs. I believe in that bridge and I think for Paloma it lands on a beach. I look so forward to romping with her again…she was pure joy, as was your precious girl. OK, tears…be well honee, and thank you again. Loving hugs back to you, Gina
Gina,
Anita Nelson (@modelsupplies) said you and I should connect. I'm so very sorry to read about Paloma. Losing a loved one is so hard.
I know your grief. My baby girl died on Sunday, too. She was the light of my life. My reason for getting up in the morning. My wonderful, spunky, sassy little child who was a gift to me each and every day of her life.
I'd offer words of comfort, but since I'm going through the same thing, I really can't think of anything comforting. It sucks. It's hard. It's unfair. It's wrong. And it will hurt for a long, long, long time. Losing someone special is devastating, plain and simple. My heart aches and I know yours does, too.
My thoughts are with you and your beloved Paloma.
Amber
Greetings and (((hugs))), Amber. What a sad way to meet a new friend. As soon as your comment popped up I visited your blog and posted this message there:
Big, comforting, sobbing-on-your-shoulder hugs…Oh my gosh, Amber, you were referred to me by Anita @ModelSupplies on Twitter…and now I see painfully clearly why. I am so sorry you're going through what I am in the recent loss of your precious, joyful and graceful girl. It hurts more to love more…but I can't help but still be convinced it's worth it. Wishing you healing and the comfort of Scarlet's everlasting love and presence in your hearts. Bliss you. Gina
Also, I commend you for your thoughtfulness in posting those important reminders to all pet lovers…to document our furbabies while they still grace our lives, and to make sure they know daily how much they are loved. Goes for our people loved ones, too 😉 I know you are hurting…I at least had a few months of knowing it was imminent. Can we brace ourselves? Not really. Only embrace the pain as evidence we are alive and have a great capacity to love. In profound sympathy, Gina
I am sorry for your loss, lady. Allow me to offer some borrowed wisdom that has helped myself and a few friends in the last few months: "Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid." -Goethe
All the best…
-Ryan
Thank so much, Ryan. May I borrow it as well and hold on to it indefinitely? I shall pass it on to a friend, @cindyvriend, who is also grieving the sudden loss of her beloved dog. Wishing you boldness and beauty. In gratitude, Gina
Dear Gina – I'm afraid I can't add anything more eloquent than what has already been expressed above. Just know that I feel your loss. Your words were a beautiful tribute to a beautiful animal.
Thank you Matt..the struggle to find words is in itself an eloquent testament to your empathy. Thank you for reading about my precious girl and agreeing that she was – and will always remain – a beautiful soul in a dog body 🙂 Bliss you, Gina
I am so sorry Gina for your loss of your beloved Paloma. I look at my aging Basset – Clifford and wonder too how I will ever live without him when his time comes. God bless.
Steve, thank you so much for your sympathies…if compassion alone could heal, I would be over it 🙂 But I think we never really want to be "over it"…even if the precious memories remind us of something lost, we never really lose the love and the joy they brought to us. So in this, there is a comfort. An aging Basset hound? Could anything BE any more endearing? He's lucky to have found a loving family. I found this book http://is.gd/cAGYI to be really helpful in coping with the feelings leading up to and after my kitty died of cancer. Hope it helps. Bliss you. Gina
Long distance hugs to you. I hope that time is easing the pain, however, I know from personal experience that there will always be a tug at your heart when thinking of your Paloma. My black lab, Chelsea, was 14 when I had to make the decision to say goodbye to her. I keep her dog tag on my key chain and now – seven years later – smile when I run my fingers over it, remembering the joy of her smile and the wag of her tail, not the pain of the loss. I wish that for you, too, my friend.
Hi honee, what an honor to see you here – thank you 🙂 Funny thing, we always had hoped to get a black lab and because Paloma was a shelter rescue, we thought maybe she had black lab in her (consistently awesome dogs!) and whenever Paloma was naughty, we would look at her sternly, and in our very disappointed voice say, "Paloma….you don't have ANY black lab in you, do you?" and of course then proceed to lavish her with affection. I love how you describe conjuring the fond memories of your beloved Chelsea with a token of her. It is so heartening to know the world is populated with loving, caring people who open their homes and hearts to family of another species. Thank you for your compassion and your wishes – I am moving there, with loving encouragement. xoxo Best to you, dear one. G