Only in Idyllwild – “To Bring Together That Which is Ball and That Which is Chain” A Wedding of Sweat Pants, Dungarees, Cosmic Lights and Random Witnesses

Only in Idyllwild.  One hears this comment often in my little artsy town on the “hill” (more like a true mountain, but so approachable and intimate, we tend to call it a hill).

But I think this one day topped it off when this week I found myself witness to a wedding of two people I barely know, in a ceremony which, for all its lack of pomp and circumstance, radiated love, tolerance, humor and friendship as much as any ceremony I’ve ever attended.  And I was dragged here with a friend in between errands of house hunting and grabbing a green tea at the local coffee shop. OK, I admit it. I am a wedding crasher.

I could have waited in the car, but what the heck; wasn’t the bride the same Laurie I had just danced and laughed with at the Rent Party on Monday?  My friend Piper told me she was asked to be a witness at her friends’ wedding at 6:00 and then after we would check out a possible house to rent together (we were there by 6:30 – it was a quickie wedding).  So I entered the cozy little bookstore Ink and was greeted by a small semi circle of casually-dressed people (and I mean jeans, sweat pants and rain jackets).  I fit in perfectly with my cords, cozy boots and vest.

Last minute cell-phone scrambling - the bride and groom

The bride and groom were busily calling important guests on their cell phones so they could “attend” over the airwaves.  A quick warm hug for me by the laid-back yet flustered bride – flustered not because of the significance of the occasion, but by the fact that she couldn’t reach said phone guests.

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” ~ Erma Bombeck

The perfectly patient, if not raucus, guests and witnesses (totaling perhaps 5) were treated to a reading of the tongue-in-cheek book: “All My Friends Are Dead” by bookstore owner Julie Johnson.  It features a picture of a dinosaur on the cover. So you see? This wedding also had entertainment.

Speaker phones on, friends listening from long-distance, the ceremony commenced.  And the chuckles far outnumbered the romantic swooning normally so prevalent at weddings.

I have been given permission to share the most zany, creative and possibly honest vows I’ve heard to date. I hope you enjoy as much as I did.

The Wedding ceremony as performed on 10-11-12 at INK Book Gathering (Inspiring New Knowledge). Vows written by David Ash Dapeer & officiated by Juju Bylli Johnson

Dearly Beloved, Betrothed, Be-speckled, Besides all you other people…

Mawwiage… Mawwiage is what bwings us togevah today… Wiv wuv, twue wuv…

We are gathered at the bookstore to unite these two in the holy bonds of marriage, to bring together that which is ball & that which is chain. To secure partners in the race of life & zombie apocalypse survival.

Alan: Do you take Laurie to have & to hold, to cherish & protect, in flatulence & in silence, with pets with death-breath and those with psychoses, in sarcasm & angernosity, in Tourette’s and in censorship – do you promise to eat her meals because look at you you’re nothing but skin & bones, do you promise to hold her on every occasion, kiss her hello & goodbye EVERY TIME & to admit defeat to her at least once in a while, to hold her, squeeze her, never tease her & try a little tenderness?

Laurie: Do you take Alan to have & to hold, to cherish & to cook for, in computer-geekery & Stephen King obsession, in technical difficulties & through tech support, through drooping & creasing, through noises emitted from any given orifice (or any combination thereof), through forgetfulness &… Uh… Whatever the opposite of that thing is that I said… Do you promise to hold him, kiss him & all around make him feel like a million bucks?

If there is anyone here who objects to this union, get the **** out – we don’t have time for your drama.

By the power vested in me (by the state of inebriation), I now pronounce you Man & Wife. You may now smooch each other, but not too much – this isn’t THAT kind of bookstore!

The ceremony.

And all went for tacos and margaritas afterward at La Casita.

This is my magical town – smack dab in the middle of Southern California.  You can make paradise wherever you are. I hope you’ve found a slice of it in your life and community.  If you visit Idyllwild, make sure to ask me for tips on best eateries, accommodations, hikes, festivals and cool local events – including free concerts and drama performances at the Idyllwild Academy.  Thank you for reading.

Special thanks to Laurie and Allen who put a lasting smile on my face with their giddifying expression of love and joy in all its purest simplicity and playfulness. And also thanks to David who permitted me to publish the zany vows he wrote for the not-so-solemn occasion.

All photos by Gina Stark (in the dark!)

For more on Idyllwild and Garner Valley and what I love about the area, read: I Live in Paradise. End of Discussion!